20 Good Things that Happens to You as You Get Older

Following is a condensed version of Annie Gottleib’s “20 Good Things that Happens to You as You Get Older” which was reprinted with permission from McCall’s magazine by the New York Times Company and appeared in the Orlando Regional Medical Center’s Fall 1991 Quarterly Publication for the Community.

1. You get smarter.

Sigmund Freud published his first great work, The Interpretation of Dreams, at age 44; Henry Kissinger was appointed secretary of state at 50; Rachel Carson completed her classic on environmental damage, Silent Spring, at 55. According to the experts, there was only one thing unusual about these people. They kept using their brains.

2. Your mental health improves.

Studies show that our psychological defense mechanisms – ways of coping with difficult feelings – become healthier as we grow older. When young, we protect ourselves from such feelings with strategies such as denial and impulsive acting-out. In later years, we rely far more on constructive defenses like humor, altruism and creativity.

3. You feel freer sexually.

As with mental activity, sexuality feeds on itself. Those who are sexually active are most likely to stay active into their older years. Often they become more open to the affectionate, tender, sensual aspects of lovemaking. A couple’s sex life may also heighten dramatically after their children grow up and leave home.

4. You take charge of your health.

Our lifestyle choices, as much as our genes, determine how fast we age. Problems we used to associate with age can now be forestalled, even avoided, because we’re in better health. After all, a fit, healthy 25-year old body is a gift most of us take for granted. A fit, healthy 50-or 70-year-old body reflects a conscious decision we can take pride in.

5. You feel your power.

People in their middle and later years are at the height of their professional effectiveness. Freed from other responsibilities, they can focus on work, acquiring new skills and developing new interests.

These years are “the age of competence,” says psychoanalyst Elizabeth L. Auchincloss, MD, “when people get a great deal of satisfaction and security out of realizing they have something to offer others.”

6. You become more yourself.

As Candice Bergen said succinctly in her autobiography, Knock Wood: “It takes a long time to become a person.” The older you get, the more unique you become, says psychologist Matti Gershenfeld. “You become clearer and clearer about what you think, what you like and don’t like. You know who you are. And as a grace note to that:

7. You find your personal style.

In older persons, a confident sense of style replaces the fad-following tendencies of the young. Nobody needs to tell you how to dress, what to drive or how to live. You know what’s best for you.

8. You’re allowed to please yourself.

One of the greatest liberations of growing older is that you no longer have any masters – real or imaginary. As life frees you from full-time service to others’ needs, a shift in the psyche frees you from their opinions. Perhaps because of this new way of being in touch with ourselves, our relationships improve, too.

9. Love deepens.

Studies of marriages later in life find that they’re more fulfilling than during earlier stages. Couples who have been married a long time are more likely to stay married, and good marriages get better. Why? “Experience in loving,” says Phillip L. Berman, author of The Courage to Grow Old. “They’ve figured out what isn’t love and what is. They’ve moved beyond the merely physical.”

10. Love widens.

One of the things we fear about growing older is increasing isolation. But we have the ability to keep that from happening. With effort, people can form satisfying new relationships and nurture old ones, so that later life is rich with friendships, professional relationships and extended family.

11. Curiosity Increases.

Most of us believe curiosity is the province of the young. “I think it’s just the opposite,” says Auchincloss. “One of the advantages of later life is the ability to really see people as individuals, and to wonder about them.”

12. You may become a grandparent.

“There’s a new zest for living with a new generation, and a greater sense of connection with the cycle of life,” says Gershenfeld. Being a grandparent usually brings all the joys of children without the responsibility -- and sometimes pain -- of parenting.

13. Your altruism increases.

In a recent national poll, 84% of Americans agreed that “at middle age, a person becomes more compassionate to the needs of others,” including strangers and the disadvantaged. A psychological study in Michigan showed that the older people were, the more likely they were to respond to an appeal for charitable donations.

14. Stress diminishes.

“To a large degree, what’s stressful is change,” says Auchincloss. Beginning in middle age, she says, “there’s a general decrease in stressful life events, such as moving and changing jobs. And there are fewer dramatic biological changes.” Even more important, she adds, “it’s been shown that when rating the same events, middle-aged and older people find them less stressful than younger people do.”

15. You toughen up.

Experience brings a certain amount of strength over the years. Once you’ve survived a number of life’s curve balls, you’re better able to face those yet to come. Psychologically, you’re tougher.

16. You mellow out.

Experts say that older people are less likely to be disturbed by petty annoyances such as a traffic jam or a slow, crowded elevator.

Actually, a physical change in the brain may contribute to this mellowing process. Scientists have been studying a cluster of cells that could be called the brain’s “alarm system.” Around age 40, this system starts to diminish, just as many adults are experiencing fewer nervous, fretting impulses.

17. You feel free.

If the joy of mid-life is competence, a new joy dawns with the approach of 60: freedom. Behavior is no longer ruled by a multitude of roles. Power, status and responsibility become less important, and many at this age become “learners” again, seeking new horizons without the pressure of grades or other inhibitors.

18. Motivation increases.

Psychologists assert that while older people are freer to spend time as they wish, they’re also aware they have less of it. A new appreciation of time may result, with greater discrimination in choosing how to spend it.

There’s also the motivation to accomplish certain goals while you can, which may bring its own rewards: studies show that a passionate, absorbing interest can extend your life.

19. Gratitude deepens.

It’s easy for younger people to take things such as life and good health for granted. In later years, you’ve probably experienced a number of setbacks to heighten your appreciation for the “good things” you once accepted without a thought.

20. Your spirit comes alive.

While physical abilities may become limited with age, your spiritual side expands. This may involve a deepening of religious faith, a sense of philosophical wonder, or the development of a richer interior life. In any case, surveys consistently indicate that those in their 50’s and 60’s say they’re happier than people in their 20’s say they are.

Source: Gottleib, Annie, “20 Good Things that Happens to You as You Get Older.” Condensed and reprinted with permission from McCall’s magazine, © 1991 by the New York Times Company and appeared in the Orlando Regional Medical Center’s Fall 1991 Quarterly Publication for the Community.